Its Friday! I’m very tired after being up til 1am as a result of attending a performance by Russian Circles. Today I am sharing a few funnies and cool things I found during my travels in the interweb.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere….
The people of Saudi Arabia don’t like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do
There are two fish in a tank. One says to the other, ‘You man the guns, I’ll drive!’
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
If you are attacked by a gang of carnies, go for the juggler.
Schrodinger’s cat walks in to a bar. And doesn’t.
Shout out to people that want to know that the opposite of in is.
If life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.
When my wife said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face…
A cannibal passed his brother in the woods.
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except one. He’s never gonna give you Up.
Whiteboards are remarkable.
The past, the present and the future walk in to a bar. It was tense.
Why did the Stormtrooper buy an iPhone? He couldn’t find the Droid he was looking for.
To muffins are in an oven. One says, ‘It sure is hot in here.’ The other one replies, ‘Aaah! A talking muffin!’
I’m waiting for the movie ‘Constipation’. It hasn’t come out yet.
What are the similarities between a plum and an elephant. They are both purple except for the elephant.
What did the janitor shout as he came out of the closet? “Supplies!”
A hipster burned the roof of his mouth by eating pizza before it was cool.
I only enjoy two things. Serotonin and dopamine.
The box said ‘Requires Windows Vista or better’ so I installed Linux.
A programmer’s wife tells him ‘Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.’ The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
How do you murder a programmer. Give him a bottle of shampoo where the instructions read ‘Wash, rinse, repeat.’ Then wait for him to starve to death in the shower.
If a pizza has a radius ‘z’ and a depth ‘a’ then that pizza’s volume can be defined Pi*z*z*a
And here is a cool video to go on with.