Erock and I had an email conversation today that I thought I would share. Pics added later.
(We did both get work done today as well).
Beezkneez: Allegedly, the next Transformers movie is going to have a tie to King Arthur times with stories of people in period costume on set and the rumour that Merlin will appear and magic will play a role. – rolls eyes
Erock: Transformers meet King Arthur? I knew it was called Transformers Knight of something, something, but I didn’t think Michael Bay would have jumped the shark. Magic and technology……..
Beezkneez: Yeah. I mean, with Bay, I’m sure his writing process goes. Explosions! Boom, crash, and MOAH EXPLOSIONS. Right. Now we need some kind of underlying story. (Turns on TV where The Sword in The Stone is playing).
Erock: Mr Bay also likes to tack on a ‘love story’ in there somewhere….
Beezkneez: I have an idea for the top grossing movie for 2017.
Michael Bay vs Zack Snyder – Deathmatch!
Estimated budget: $28.6 billion USD and the entire population of Shanghai.
Erock: Hahaha! How many national monuments would those two destroy?
They will need a hero that is a little more flawed than the usual hero, a love interest that is massively out of the hero’s league (but he still gets her). A Baddy with an amazing accent/or speech mannerisms.
What else would one of these movies need to complete the formula?
Beezkneez: A twist where both of their mothers are named Martha.
Erock: Hahaha! How could I forget?!
Let’s cast this movie….
Love interest =
Comedy Relief =
Beezkneez: After immense conflict over the hero (Bay wants Shia Labeouf, and Snyder wants a muscly clothing store mannequin), they settle on Keanu Reeves as a compromise.
Surprisingly, the two agree on Zendaya. Though Bay has to write extensive exposition to explain why the age difference isn’t that creepy (51 to 19).
The villain is Leonard Maltin, mutated by (something unimportant and poorly explained – they will figure this part out post production) into a gigantic CGI monster and voiced by Jesse Eisenberg on crack.
The pair struggle with the comedy relief as every comedian with an ounce of self-respect refuses the role. Until finally Paul Ruebens (aka Pee Wee Herman) signs up as a last chance to resurrect his failing career.
The incredible backlash to casting announcements from both moviegoers and critics alike only reinforce for the pair that they have done a great job.
Erock: Done! Nothing more to add. Make it happen!
Beezkneez: Title revision
Bay vs Snyder: Clash of Egos
Erock: Clash of Egos! The billboards wont be big enough to hold both names!
Beezkneez: Production grinds to a halt. Both Bay and Snyder quote irreconcilable differences. Each were quoted as saying, “OMFG! The dumb b@st@rd wanted his name to go first in the title!”